Comments and pet peeves.
So, I was in a bar tonight, and I wasn’t even at the actual “bar” but in the back playing pool with a friend. I went up to the bar to get a refill on my water, and while I was waiting for the waitress I noticed the man next to me turn his head a couple of times to look at me.
I just knew what was coming. I was hoping the waitress would hurry filling up my water.
He turned to me, not even completely making eye contact, and said one of my worst pet peeves:
“Would it kill you to smile?”
Ahhhhhhh!!!! I cannot explain to you how much this gets under my skin! It’s so presumptuous! And it’s one of the kinds of harassment that is not about sex at all. It’s purely about control and dominance. It’s so subtly intrusive it makes me sick. Women aren’t allowed to be in his presence if they are unhappy, or just not exuberant? Who smiles all the time, anyway?! What makes me even more annoyed is the fact that I just looked him in the eye, and when I thought of all the gloriously satisfying comebacks I could say (“would it kill you to shower?”) , instead of saying any of them, I just…smiled.
“There you go sweetheart, was that so hard?”
Now I’ve given this man a gift, I’ve given him pleasure and he believes it’s because he requested it. I feel sick to my stomach, tricked, and invaded.
I’ve had totally random men in line at the bank say “why don’t you smile, it can’t be that bad!” and even some men who’ve refused service to me until I smile, I say “I’ll have a ______” and he responds with “sure, if you can just give me a smile”. GAH!
This is my pet peeve, what’s yours in relation to feeling violated by unwanted contact in public spaces?
Post by Luci Cook
Shrodinger’s Rapist…or how to approach women without being maced.
An older post I found, detailing some of the reasons why it’s unsettling to be approached in public by a stranger.
“…we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted…do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is.”
This quote can be applied to women and to LGBTQ folks, so listen up.
http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/
Changes and Innovations
Hey everyone!
We have been a bit sub-par lately with our posts and community involvement lately, we know.
There have been some awesome things happening on a personal level that we all needed to take time to deal with, but the time is here to re-involve ourselves in the Hollaback! Movement. We apologize for not keeping you all in the loop, but assure you we haven’t gone anywhere and that we’re just as dedicated to ending street harassment as we were 6 months ago. Please continue to send your stories and check back here frequently for news about upcoming events and other interesting info!
Yours,
Hollaback! CoMO
Encouraged Harassment? Solidarity, anyone? Gross.
I was walking back to my apartment downtown after a grocery run when I passed a parked car. I was tired from the walk, carrying my heavy bags of groceries and just wanted to get home. But as I walked past the car, I heard a guy’s voice saying, “You’re hot.” He said something before that but I wasn’t paying attention and missed it. Before I could even turn around to see where the catcall was coming from, a girl in the driver’s seat shouted, “Hey! My brother’s talking to you!” as if that made me obligated to respond in some way.
I wish I could’ve thought of something to say back, but I was really taken off-guard and just wanted to get home. It made me really upset for a few reasons. First, I find catcalling to be degrading, misogynistic and generally a tool men use to assert dominance and make females feel small. But I was especially upset because the girl in the driver’s seat, his sister, was an accomplice in the harassment of a fellow woman. I don’t know if this girl has to deal with street harassment on a daily basis the way I do, but it pained me that she would encourage his behavior instead of scolding him for his disrespect toward me and women in general. In addition, I take offense to the idea that just because a man is talking to me that I am somehow obliged to listen. Give me a break. Was I supposed to just stand there with my armful of groceries in the middle of the night and take his BS because it’s my place to do so as a woman?
In the end, I just kept walking and tuned the two out. I wish I could have thought of something to hollaback.
Also, this was just a few minutes after a guy in a big truck honked his horn at me and stuck his head out of the window of his car to smile at me suggestively. Twice in one night, and to have a girl encourage her own brother? Gross.
That was no joke! And it was NOT okay.
My friend and I went to the U2 concert at Bush Stadium. At the concert there was an inner ring that was pretty crowded and sort of like a mosh pit. My friend and I, being the stupid 16 year old’s we were, decided that we just wanted to walk through from one end to the other to see if it was worth standing in there. It was really crowded and we quickly decided that once we found our way out of the ring we would not come back. But as we were walking through we pushed past three boys that were probably about 17. My friend was walking first so she didn’t see it but the all three of the boys stared at us in a really creepy way that made me feel uneasy. Then as I was getting past the last boy he grabbed his crotch and gave me this look as a stared at him in repulsion.
Needless to say I pushed my friend a little faster and said KEEP GOING when she tried to stop right after we passed them. The three boys heard me say this and started laughing like it was all some big joke. I felt like crying. What gives them the right to make me feel uncomfortable just because I’m a girl? I wish someone would have seen and done something. I wish I would have done something. Because that was no joke and it was not okay.
Not sexy for you.
So my friend and I are walking home from the bar a couple weekends ago, we’re walking west, and coming towards us among many other people is a woman walking east. Between us is a man standing on the sidewalk. She gets to him first, and he says “damn, sexy.” She averts her eyes and walks past him. I say, quite matter-o-factly, “that’s sexual harassment, sir.” He says, “i’m just letting her know I appreciate it.” I say, “she isn’t sexy for you, sir,” as I walk past him. He says nothing else audible.
That’s sexual harassment, sir!”
So my friend and I are walking home from the bar a couple weekends ago, we’re walking west, and coming towards us among many other people is a woman walking east. Between us is a man standing on the sidewalk. She gets to him first, and he says “damn, sexy.” She averts her eyes and walks past him. I say, quite matter-o-factly, “that’s sexual harassment, sir.” He says, “i’m just letting her know I appreciate it.” I say, “she isn’t sexy for you, sir,” as I walk past him. He says nothing else audible.
We’ve Got you’re back, Via Emily May of Hollaback!
A response about the entire ordeal that was/is Juan Terranova, his appallingly insensitive and threatening comments made in an article he wrote for a supposedly respected newspaper in Buenos Aires, Argentina; and the aftermath that follows, proving that persistence and insistence can really get things done.
http://www.ihollaback.org/blog/2011/05/06/weve-got-your-back/
